The hardest part about being on the top is staying on the top. You are expected to retain that position…until the underdog comes and usurps it. people always expect u to be the best in everything…there isn’t any scope for messing up or for making mistakes. There is a certain amount of expectation from u which is more than wat is expected of other people. Suddenly if u do something wrong ure whole image of having any brains is slashed down…suddenly ure no longer smart or clever…simply because ppl expected so much more form u. Did I ask for u to expect so much from me?....at which point did I solemnly swear to always be the best in every activity…im not superhuman…im not capable of doing everything…im good in certain things im not good in other things…just because im not the best at everything does that mean im no good…or that im not above average?....
I did my best and it gave results. That wasn’t me giving you permission to dump the responsibility of being the best at everything on my shoulders…I did not ask for it. I worked hard and did well for me. Not for other people. Then why do other people automatically assume that they are allowed to put their expectations on me.
I messed up today. I feel the pressure of letting people down. Maybe im over thinking. But suddenly I feel like there’s no one who can accept that im capable of messing up. I feel like people who respected me for being smart will now no longer respect me as much. I feel the pressure of expectations.
Wats worse about being on the top for a continuous period is that after a point u take it for granted that ul be one of the ppl who did well. Ure no longer motivated. U just assume that it’s going to happen again and without realizing it u stop working hard to do well. While the other ppl who want to be on the top now start working harder so as to take over ure position. What would the cumulative effect of me not working hard enough and other ppl working harder?...they take over…im suddenly not on the top…and that bothers me. Why was I put there if it was going to be snatched from me? I know all logic says that now I should work harder. But iv hit a wall. Iv started to realize that I pretty much suck at somethings. So im no competition in those fields. Suddenly im good somewhere and bad somewhere else where as it was meant to be that I be good at everything. It’s all because of expectations. Damn expectations…from other ppl…from myself...of others from me…damn it all and just live a peaceful life
But as life would have it…that aint gonna happen!! So suck it up and stick it out.
Damn
Saturday, December 13, 2008
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Saying Goodbye
Continuing on the topic of terror theres an added fear now.of saying goodbye at the airport or the station.
Once upon a time when we said goodbye to ppl leaving by plane or rail the sad part was that they were leaving…the emotions were of sadness..under normal circumstances…but not theres an added emotion…fear…what if this train or airport is the next to be bombed…what if this plane is hijacked…theres not just fear when leaving…even when that person is on the plane-gone off-landed at the other place…theres still fear of that airport being bombed…so it lasts as long as the flight journey lasts..
I said goodbye…that feeling of fear was very prominent…it was there looming over my head that the airport is on high alert…the plane timing is 9.15 in the night…prime time for attacks…what if……….
And the what if’s last till he’s safe in his house…
Saying goodbye is a sad affair…theres nothing u can do about it…so why add fear..why not let us feel our sadness..get over it and move on…why extend this to the whole journey…leave us be…let us feel our emotions..stop creating new feelings to make our lives more miserable…
Once upon a time when we said goodbye to ppl leaving by plane or rail the sad part was that they were leaving…the emotions were of sadness..under normal circumstances…but not theres an added emotion…fear…what if this train or airport is the next to be bombed…what if this plane is hijacked…theres not just fear when leaving…even when that person is on the plane-gone off-landed at the other place…theres still fear of that airport being bombed…so it lasts as long as the flight journey lasts..
I said goodbye…that feeling of fear was very prominent…it was there looming over my head that the airport is on high alert…the plane timing is 9.15 in the night…prime time for attacks…what if……….
And the what if’s last till he’s safe in his house…
Saying goodbye is a sad affair…theres nothing u can do about it…so why add fear..why not let us feel our sadness..get over it and move on…why extend this to the whole journey…leave us be…let us feel our emotions..stop creating new feelings to make our lives more miserable…
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
War On Mumbai
So many dead..so many injured…near and dear ones killed…whole families killed…why?whats the point?
I didn’t loose any one….but I know ppl who did…..i don’t say I know how it feels to find out someone u care abt has been shot by some fanatic who has nothing better to live for…but I feel sad for the ppl who have to go thru that….what abt those who couldn’t contact some they loved who was a hostage only to find out later he/she is dead?....no goodbyes…no I love you’s…nothing…they were there one day and the next their gone….and u couldn’t do anything abt it….and whats worse is that the ones who didn’t die in the first attack knew that there was a possibility of them dying…did they wake up that morning feeling like that later in the night they would be holed up in a room with the fear of death looming above them and after a few hours they’d be shot to death?...do any of us imagine our death happening because we got shot or because a bomb burst our body in to tiny shreds?
are the terrorists that emotionless that they can inflict such damage on the lives of human beings….do they not feel anything when holding a gun and pointing it at someone knowing that u don’t know shit abt that person and if u pull that trigger you could kill a perfectly good human being….that u would be inflicting torturous pain on other ppl….thats those ppl they kill have families just like they do back home...all of them have someone who loves them and who loves them back...they all are someones child/brother/sister/husband/wife/father/mother...do they not feel anything?i cant pretend to understand the terrorists. because I don’t…I don’t see why anyone in this world aims at eradicating pl who believe in different things
for us who are not in Mumbai…who watch it on tv while sitting in the safety of our homes its also scary....any place could be next…will our city be next
will we loose ppl like that…will it happen to us…once upon a time we were sure it wouldn’t…but now…with 7 occurrences within the past 11 months only…we cant be sure…for the first time we feel like anything could happen and it could happen to us…we could die…or worse…loose someone we love….
So what do we do?...sit in our homes…not go out…or do we face up to the fact that we could die anytime…and continue on with life…different ppl would choose different things.....
all I ask for now is for strength to those who lost someone…all over the country we support u…all over the world we wish we could ease ure burden and share ure pain…
WE STAND BY EACH OTHER HAND IN HAND
I didn’t loose any one….but I know ppl who did…..i don’t say I know how it feels to find out someone u care abt has been shot by some fanatic who has nothing better to live for…but I feel sad for the ppl who have to go thru that….what abt those who couldn’t contact some they loved who was a hostage only to find out later he/she is dead?....no goodbyes…no I love you’s…nothing…they were there one day and the next their gone….and u couldn’t do anything abt it….and whats worse is that the ones who didn’t die in the first attack knew that there was a possibility of them dying…did they wake up that morning feeling like that later in the night they would be holed up in a room with the fear of death looming above them and after a few hours they’d be shot to death?...do any of us imagine our death happening because we got shot or because a bomb burst our body in to tiny shreds?
are the terrorists that emotionless that they can inflict such damage on the lives of human beings….do they not feel anything when holding a gun and pointing it at someone knowing that u don’t know shit abt that person and if u pull that trigger you could kill a perfectly good human being….that u would be inflicting torturous pain on other ppl….thats those ppl they kill have families just like they do back home...all of them have someone who loves them and who loves them back...they all are someones child/brother/sister/husband/wife/father/mother...do they not feel anything?i cant pretend to understand the terrorists. because I don’t…I don’t see why anyone in this world aims at eradicating pl who believe in different things
for us who are not in Mumbai…who watch it on tv while sitting in the safety of our homes its also scary....any place could be next…will our city be next
will we loose ppl like that…will it happen to us…once upon a time we were sure it wouldn’t…but now…with 7 occurrences within the past 11 months only…we cant be sure…for the first time we feel like anything could happen and it could happen to us…we could die…or worse…loose someone we love….
So what do we do?...sit in our homes…not go out…or do we face up to the fact that we could die anytime…and continue on with life…different ppl would choose different things.....
all I ask for now is for strength to those who lost someone…all over the country we support u…all over the world we wish we could ease ure burden and share ure pain…
WE STAND BY EACH OTHER HAND IN HAND
Sunday, October 12, 2008
Change
change...its inevitable...or is it?
who decides that things change?.....who decides that you or i have to change as people?
do we have to change?....do i get to choose that i want to be exactly the same as i am today for the rest of my life...or will life force me to change into a different person?
I'm entering a completely new phase in my life.I'm going to be an employed person.Its my first job.
I'm making promises that i wont change.I know i cant promise that things and life wont change.I know for a fact that it will.But can i promise that i wont change and stick to it?
Is it completely in my hands to decide whether i am the same person a couple of months down the line..a year down the line...as i am today?......
Im not afraid of change.I infact embrace it.I believe its a natural process of life and fighting change is stunting ure own growth.But not everybody thinks the same do they?what do i do about the people in my life who dont think that way?..they believe that if i change it was my personal choice to be different or think differently and i could have prevented it if i wanted to.
Maybe they are right.But maybe i want to change.Maybe i want to grow into an emotionally strong and independent person with strong beliefs in life because i belive im not yet who im supposed to be.
So then where do we stand?.......do we accept the change and try to make it work ...My theory is that if two ppl allow themselves to change and grow at the point where one has actually changed as a person...the other has changed too.They both have grown.And hence they both are again able to accept each other...unless of course they change and grow in 2 different directions.
So what if only one grows.The other is lagging behind.What do u do?
If ure the one whos growing do u help the other catch up and wait patiently till they do? or do u cut them out because they are holding u back from being who and how u want to be?
If ure the one lagging behind do u accept the other has grown and try to catch up?or do u cry and throw tantrums till the other compromises enough to fit ure idiocrasies?Or do u leave because u cant accept them any more either because you feel they arent the same or u wish to set them free from ureself?
Cutting people free hurts.Both ways...Letting go hurts too.U cant always know if its the right thing for u.You just have to feel it.But feeling the truth is the hardest thing to do.It requires a great amount of strength and acceptance.To gain that itself change is needed.either u are stuck in that rut because u cant allow ureself to grow thanks to some forces holding u back.Or u break thru the hard truth and sprout.It hurts.But the undeniable truth is- wounds heal.and so will you.
so in the end what is it? Life makes u change so allow it to and ul grow into the person u will ultimately be.Or fight change and remain the way u are forever because thats who u want to be?
I choose to grow.I choose to be patient.But I choose to not give in to the cries of regressive and emotionally stunted people.Such people i choose to cut loose.i choose to fight the pain.i choose to heal.
who decides that things change?.....who decides that you or i have to change as people?
do we have to change?....do i get to choose that i want to be exactly the same as i am today for the rest of my life...or will life force me to change into a different person?
I'm entering a completely new phase in my life.I'm going to be an employed person.Its my first job.
I'm making promises that i wont change.I know i cant promise that things and life wont change.I know for a fact that it will.But can i promise that i wont change and stick to it?
Is it completely in my hands to decide whether i am the same person a couple of months down the line..a year down the line...as i am today?......
Im not afraid of change.I infact embrace it.I believe its a natural process of life and fighting change is stunting ure own growth.But not everybody thinks the same do they?what do i do about the people in my life who dont think that way?..they believe that if i change it was my personal choice to be different or think differently and i could have prevented it if i wanted to.
Maybe they are right.But maybe i want to change.Maybe i want to grow into an emotionally strong and independent person with strong beliefs in life because i belive im not yet who im supposed to be.
So then where do we stand?.......do we accept the change and try to make it work ...My theory is that if two ppl allow themselves to change and grow at the point where one has actually changed as a person...the other has changed too.They both have grown.And hence they both are again able to accept each other...unless of course they change and grow in 2 different directions.
So what if only one grows.The other is lagging behind.What do u do?
If ure the one whos growing do u help the other catch up and wait patiently till they do? or do u cut them out because they are holding u back from being who and how u want to be?
If ure the one lagging behind do u accept the other has grown and try to catch up?or do u cry and throw tantrums till the other compromises enough to fit ure idiocrasies?Or do u leave because u cant accept them any more either because you feel they arent the same or u wish to set them free from ureself?
Cutting people free hurts.Both ways...Letting go hurts too.U cant always know if its the right thing for u.You just have to feel it.But feeling the truth is the hardest thing to do.It requires a great amount of strength and acceptance.To gain that itself change is needed.either u are stuck in that rut because u cant allow ureself to grow thanks to some forces holding u back.Or u break thru the hard truth and sprout.It hurts.But the undeniable truth is- wounds heal.and so will you.
so in the end what is it? Life makes u change so allow it to and ul grow into the person u will ultimately be.Or fight change and remain the way u are forever because thats who u want to be?
I choose to grow.I choose to be patient.But I choose to not give in to the cries of regressive and emotionally stunted people.Such people i choose to cut loose.i choose to fight the pain.i choose to heal.
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