Wild Fire

Sun sets , darkness spreads,
Memories of you cloud my empty mind,
Desperately seeking you out
In my imaginary crowd
Looking for a smile that makes everything alright
The moon rises, still its dark
Memories of you take over my thoughts
I resist, I turn away
But the senseless thoughts of you just stay
I can see your kind eyes piercing through me
Your wild touch spreading like uncontrollable fire
Give it up, give in to what I feel
Then I wake up from this disturbing dream.

Attention Seeking Whore!!

So I did a little research before writing this time. By research I mean the standard mode of research – Google it. Heck! It’s a standard in my books at least!! The second most favourite option to googling anything (yes googling is a term!!! If you don’t know it…go google it!!) is wiki –ing it.

I also messaged a few people, who might actually have an opinion. I asked them the question – “What is your opinion on human beings and their need for attention?”…I asked 5 people..only 4 replied…only 2 understood the question and the difference between asking about ‘human being’, which encompasses all types of people, and ‘the attention seeking whore’, people who are go to abnormal lengths to gain attention…funny world we live in….

So now I have two issues at hand, one, the point of discussion – Human beings and their need for attention. And two – the general perception by people of a human beings requirement of attention.

Fair warnings before you start reading – yes my opinions will be biased and yes most of what’s written here is simply my opinion. Its my blog. So too bad.

This is what I have discovered:

1.Most websites talk about attention seeking disorders but not the general need of people for attention which is necessary for every human being

2.Apparently, if you are emotionally mature you would gain the required attention naturally from your daily life, especially from your work and from stable relationships and have high EQ!! (like..what??).Its the emotionally immature people who go to odd lengths to get attention. These are the people who develop attention seeking disorders

3.There are some umpteen ways of seeking attention which would probably get you committed

4.Enjoying the attention of others is quite socially acceptable

5.As per someone’s blog, women need attention cause in the prehistoric days they figured that if they want a constant source of protection and food they need to mate with a guy..if the guy gives attention, he’s a keeper and she’ll mate with him. In other words – attention is the answer to our entire existence. Without the initial need for attention there’d be no mating and no entire race of human beings.

6.Screw everything else…read this!!! - http://www.tanmonkey.com/fun/why-cats-need-humans.php

7.I hate research

Having established the last point this is what I think – people need attention. Period. People talk to other people for attention. People have relationships to satisfy their need for attention. Monogamy was created to give the illusion of being someone’s priority. Polygamy was preferred because it gave the man the attention of multiple women. We all need it..we all function on it…So why deny it!!

Why is there politics in offices - to gain attention. Why do peacocks dance - to gain attention. Why do girls/boys flirt – to gain attention. Why do we dress in the latest fashions and do up our hair – to gain attention. It’s a very very basic need. And there bloody hell is nothing wrong with it.

But why go through this whole drama of understanding human beings need for attention. It’s a bid to understand myself better. I have recently come to realize that sometimes..with some people..i try and gain attention…that there are times when I feel attention deprived. No, I don’t have a bad home life or a bad relationship…they are all perfectly healthy and normal. Here’s my problem, I get bored easily….with people…with things…nothing hold my interest for too long….after a certain time I reach a point where I need some excitement. So I create it through new people…who I get bored of eventually when the attention starts waning.

Moot point being – human beings need attention for survival and happiness.

Coming to the second point… the general perception… I should expand this question…facebook here I come!!

However…based on a very limited research group I realize that there are people who automatically assume that needing attention is bad..its lame..it’s like a heroin shot and such people would go to any lengths to get it….they missed out on the basic point…I asked about human beings..not the “desperately seeking attention”..the few who did understand the difference did admit that people need attention….I’m going to continue on this topic after I get responses from the larger group…

But I started thinking about it because it made me realize that people in general seem to consider seeking attention as a bad thing…I tell my best friend what I’m doing to get someone’s attention and we laugh at the drama we create in our heads….but if I told somebody else that they’d actually consider me ‘low’ for even wanting the attention and actually scheming to get it. Well guess what…at least I know I’m doing it..and why…half of the people out there don’t even realize that they are constantly seeking attention and a majority of those who do realize don’t understand why.

Now here’s a dilemma – I do know people who go to really odd lengths to make themselves the centre of attention. And I really don’t like those people. So im actually being kinda a hypocrite here. Or am I not understanding the basic meaning of attention seeking.

Hmm..this requires more thought.

Thank you for leaving us alone but giving us enough attention to boost our egos - Mick Jagger

Blah Blah Black Sheep

Ever wake up one day and it hits you…all the once upon a time losers are on their way to greatness while somewhere along the way you fell into this rut and can’t seem to get out of it. Guess who’s the looser now.

Ever wake up one day and it hits you…you aren’t as strong as you thought and you aren’t as brave as you thought you were. You’re too weak to face your fears and a rather fraidy cat for all the airs of bravery you put on.

So then what? Somewhere along the way you fell way back in the line…the once upon a time “most likely to be great” is now just another nobody still trying to find herself and her path to greatness is overgrown with weeds and moss.

Whats worse…when you know all this and still do nothing. Its fear I tell you!!...Fear of change..of not making the right decision (not like you made all the right decisions till now)..fear that those instincts you thought were always right were actually so freaking wrong that you doubt you can really trust them…your own instincts are like a back stabbing friend.

It must be awesome to know what you want….and it must be awesome to not have a freaking clue but being ok with ‘going with the flow’…like wherever you end up its alright cause its not like you knew what to do anyways…..wish that worked for me.
Its all about the passion…its all about what would drive you to get out of that protected shell and freaking do something!!!! ….Sigh!!!....if only you could get over the fear….WUSS!!!!

So now wat…take life by the horns…place your trust in life and let it lead you to where ever you may go?.....go with wat you were groomed for…the ‘picked’ out path even though every aptitude test told you not to do that??...atleast you know that is safe.

Or simply write about it and do nothing and continue your sorry existence while life just passes you by!!

Talking to myself

ok since ure not online im just going to talk
was just feeling a bit alone....
havent really spoken to anyone properly today...
havent spoken to ppl i generally talk to once im home
today morning i thought id come home and read and just be...
but i didnt get to do that cause im too tired to read
i msgd like 6 ppl when i reached home...
i think thats cause i really just miss hvaing someone to care for me...to wait till i get home just to tell me goodnight
so im sad...and alone...
i realize something funny....
most of the world is alone
most people are alone and are constantlylooking for someone to make them feel less alone...wat a funny world we live in
we all want company but we wont give each other company


Sent at 1:05 AM on Thursday
i guess thats why they say when u come into the world alone and you leave the world alone.
either ways.....im sad today...but today will go...tomm will come...and i'll be happy again...
another funny thing i realized about myself
i get sadder as the day gets over....i start out rather happy and end rather sad...
cause with night come the acute sense of being alone...which is probably why im always up for going out on any night
i need to start appreciating my freedom...its wat i wanted...
but its pointless if i dont know what to do with it.
goodnight
sweet dreams

Freedom

Theres this thing about being on a swing that sets me free.. I feel like I can fly....I push my self higher and higher...and for those few moments, nothing else matters....there is nothing that can stop me from touching the sky...i feel free...

I like the sky, i like the mountains, i like the feel of the wind on my face ...i can talk to them...or not talk to them if i dont want to...they are silent...they listen and dont say a word...they demand no commitment..nothing tying you down...you can go to them as you please and leave whenever you want...no questions asked...there are no strings attached...there is freedom.

Freedom is one of the 4 things i want from life...the things that define my existence...for a lack of better word i continue to call them 'things'...they are like principles...those that define my being.....

Im testing the waters of freedom...its incomplete...there are barriers, restrictions...but the catalyst was added in my life...it pushed me over the edge and now i have to learn to fly....or else i come crashing down and live the rest of my life with broken dreams....

Im still learning the definition of freedom...it changes as i understand more...its the freedom to let my self experience life...allowing my self to break out of the rat race and be alive...we didnt evolve to loose our roots...I wasnt born to be a rat!

Judgment Day

Fact : People Judge
Fact : People don’t like being judged

Myth : I don’t judge

Truth : I try not to judge

Quote : Never a judge a book by its cover

Its this funny thing that human beings do...we look at a person and automatically form an opinion about them in 60 seconds....from the way they look, the way they are dressed, to they way they walk to their smile or lack of it. Logically, we don’t know anything about a person in 60 seconds, but yet we form an opinion as to the kind of person they are, what values they hold, and even if we like them or not.

I’ve learnt on more than one occasion, the first impression is always wrong...the person I judge as shallow is actually philosophical...the person I judge as untrustworthy proves to be the most trustful...the person I judge as immature actually knows more about life than I do...the nice girl next door might actually be manipulative and scheming....all this I learn months later...after iv spent more than 60 days in their company...and still I may not know everything...

Then what makes us judge...without knowing anything....what gives us the right...the authority to frame an image of a person without taking the effort to know them?

What if you meet a person for the first time...they were just given some terrible news...then you met them..they didn’t smile...judgment : unfriendly, unapproachable,rude...that person on a normal day might be funny,caring,loving but you wont ever know that cause you've already made your judgment

I for one dont like being judged. I believe im so many different people in one that you cant really judge me unless you take the effort to know me...I seem rude...im actually caring...i seem cold...im actually loving...i seem snotty...well...im egoistic for good reasons..

so I try not to judge....to know and accept...love and let be...believe in the universal truth that there is good in everyone.There are people like me out there...they dont judge...they know me...they accept me and love me...they are my friends...

But for those who keep judging....well I dont want to know them....and I wont...cause my first impression will be a bad one...they will never know what they are missing ;)

Parting Words

This is a verse which one of my friends quoted while quitting his job :
I used to have a comfort zone where I knew I wouldn’t fail.
The same four walls and busy work were really more like jail.
I longed so much to do the things I’d never done before,
But stayed inside my comfort zone and paced the same old floor.

I said it didn’t matter that I wasn’t doing much.
I said I didn’t care for things like commission checks and such.
I claimed to be so busy with the things inside the zone,
But deep inside I longed for something special of my own.

I couldn’t let my life go by just watching others win.
I held my breath; I stepped outside and let the change begin.
I took a step and with new strength I’d never felt before
I kissed my comfort zone goodbye and closed and locked the door.

If you’re in a comfort zone, afraid to venture out,
Remember that all winners were at one time filled with doubt.
A step or two and words of praise can make your dreams come true.
Reach for your future with a smile; success is there for you!!

Fear

What are you scared of??

Fear…just one word to describe an emotion that breaks even the strongest of people. Fear…the weakness of the bravest of all…what is your fear?...obvious answer ‘In what context?’ , because there are many. But the feeling is still the same. I can’t describe it; as much as I try I can’t find the words to describe fear. And I feel it a lot…

There is the fear of a particular creature. I’m afraid of Cockroaches. The brown smooth back, big moustache creatures that pop out from anywhere and everywhere and come in various sizes, big enough to whack your face when they fly and small enough to creep into your ear while you sleep. I’m not afraid of lizards or bees or rats or heck, even chickens or pink elephants [;)]. Other people are afraid of them. Somehow, we’re all afraid.

Fear of a situation. I am afraid of heights. Not very much, that I start screaming or become breathless or feel faint. But I feel a slight dizziness. I am not afraid of the dark, I am not afraid of closed spaces or of speed. Other people are afraid of them. Somehow, we’re all afraid.

Then there is life itself...we're all afraid of living!!...we wont take risks cause we're afraid of the results...we won't go against custom cause we're afraid of what people might say...we're afraid of being crazy cause people will , well, call us 'crazy'...we wont tell someone we love them cause we're afraid of rejection..we wont protest against our corrupt political parties because we're afraid of what they can do to us...and the list goes on and on and on......

Face your fear they say...At the end of it all is just one single emotion...fear..how it rules our life!!...Im not saying don't be afraid because there are very few fearless ones...im not saying im not afraid...because I am. Noone can eradicate fear...its a dominant feeling...But how about I dont let it rule my life? How about I face my fear...I can do that. I can love,I can protest,I can be crazy.

The only thing I cant do is be in the same room as a cockroach.Oh well, you cant face all your fears!!

The Road Not Taken

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveller, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference

By Robert Frost

Lay Down

Take my heart beat baby
Make it one
And make it ours
Take me past the pastures baby
Into the green green growing grass
Lay down and see the sky fall
Escape and feel the rain drops

Take my hand in yours baby
Feel the warmth
Just keep holding on
Freezing cold are you baby
I’ll hold you close
I’ll warm you up
Lay down and feel the rain drops
Shout out and watch as it all stops

Iv been down this road before baby
Walk with me
Stand by my side
Don’t walk too fast baby
I cant keep up
Go ahead you leave me behind
Lay down and don’t you hear all the shouts
Walk on and don’t you turn around.

Ramblings of a Unsettled Mind

The clash of the sane with the insane
the slow movement that starts
unknown to the gods of the world
of the destruction they face in every path.
Slow is the movement
that raises its head like a lion preparing to attack.
I bend not now my fear
as the insanity of the destruction and I clash.
There builds this fire in me
that I can’t seem to water out.
It grows against the gods of the world
as they fight to put it out.
Love, hate, loathing, anger, jealousy, fear
all rear their ugly heads to build this world.
Steer clear of me
I escape from them
I save my innocence
untarnished by the destruction that they hold.