The hardest part about being on the top is staying on the top. You are expected to retain that position…until the underdog comes and usurps it. people always expect u to be the best in everything…there isn’t any scope for messing up or for making mistakes. There is a certain amount of expectation from u which is more than wat is expected of other people. Suddenly if u do something wrong ure whole image of having any brains is slashed down…suddenly ure no longer smart or clever…simply because ppl expected so much more form u. Did I ask for u to expect so much from me?....at which point did I solemnly swear to always be the best in every activity…im not superhuman…im not capable of doing everything…im good in certain things im not good in other things…just because im not the best at everything does that mean im no good…or that im not above average?....
I did my best and it gave results. That wasn’t me giving you permission to dump the responsibility of being the best at everything on my shoulders…I did not ask for it. I worked hard and did well for me. Not for other people. Then why do other people automatically assume that they are allowed to put their expectations on me.
I messed up today. I feel the pressure of letting people down. Maybe im over thinking. But suddenly I feel like there’s no one who can accept that im capable of messing up. I feel like people who respected me for being smart will now no longer respect me as much. I feel the pressure of expectations.
Wats worse about being on the top for a continuous period is that after a point u take it for granted that ul be one of the ppl who did well. Ure no longer motivated. U just assume that it’s going to happen again and without realizing it u stop working hard to do well. While the other ppl who want to be on the top now start working harder so as to take over ure position. What would the cumulative effect of me not working hard enough and other ppl working harder?...they take over…im suddenly not on the top…and that bothers me. Why was I put there if it was going to be snatched from me? I know all logic says that now I should work harder. But iv hit a wall. Iv started to realize that I pretty much suck at somethings. So im no competition in those fields. Suddenly im good somewhere and bad somewhere else where as it was meant to be that I be good at everything. It’s all because of expectations. Damn expectations…from other ppl…from myself...of others from me…damn it all and just live a peaceful life
But as life would have it…that aint gonna happen!! So suck it up and stick it out.
Damn
1 comment:
don't beat urself up so much over what other ppl expect from u... do ur best... that should certainly not mean the level that ppl think that u can reach...but rather the level u think u can and will reach...It happens to the best of us...don't let it bog u down to much...do what u can and do it as well as u can..if u fail its fine..learn from it..use it to ur advantage and move on...
luck...
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